Part 56: UPDATE 51: The Sleeping Goddess
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This awesome holy sword really couldn't go to anyone but Freddie. He's been sitting on that not-particularly-great fire blade for quite a while, and he deserves some goddamn spoils. As a reward for long and dedicated service, Doreauxgard (remember him?) gets the Laevateinn.
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I've also got another Totila. Sexwale gets it. And in a real blast from the past I upgraded Robert from a Sum Mannus to an Ice Blade. Ah, memories.
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But enough of that crap. One more mission! I'm raring to go! Let's go stop that resurrection! YEAHH!
UPDATE 51: The Sleeping Goddess
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We've definitely been here before. Last time Zeda wasn't around (that we know of), but a current dead guy and a current Generic Army unit leader were. This time it seems slightly more ominous.
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A bit late for Baldwin to be having second thoughts if you ask me. He already stabbed his brother to death over this and now he's getting cold feet.
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Are they talking about the time she cast Dark Quest on him? That didn't really seem like so huge of a deal, but Baldwin seems pretty embarrassed!
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Emo kids: twice as likely to be magically controlled by witches. You heard it here first.
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Enter some guy!
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Freddie can be middle-aged or even a centenarian by now, keep in mind. You can pace around on the map to your heart's content if you've got a lot of time to spare! The game is just assuming (understandably) that you won't do that because you're probably not a crazy person.
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Baldwin and Redshirt leave. I dunno, Baldwin should be careful he doesn't miss the Resurrection or he won't get anything out of it!
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She's talking like Danika's her cat. "Ooh, does Dan-Dans want her supper? Does she? Who's the cutest little demigoddess in the world? Is it you? IS IT YOU?"
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"Your resurrection is very important to us. Please stay on the line and a mysterious hag with unknowable motives will be with you as soon as possible. (smooth jazz)"
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She literally pulls this sword from hammerspace. It's unclear to me how it got from Yumil to Zeda, or maybe there's more than one of it or something, but it's apparently an important part of the ritual.
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DUN DUN DUNNNNNN
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DUNNNNN DUNNNNNNNNNNN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
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DUNNNNNNNNNN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN okay that's enough
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The Sage of Zeteginia is Rashidi, another dude from MotBQ and Saradin's old boss. Basically he was that game's answer to Zeda -- shadowy figure manipulating events to bring about Ogre Battle and the reign of demons on earth, etc etc. Sort of. He was more straightup about it than she is -- he was a boss fight, actually. I guess Mari was part of a contingency "what if I am bested by a 12-year-old SNES player" plan he had going that whole time. He has children in place to bang every upcoming messiah figure in every religion, just in case.
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"that's just plain creepy, ew ew ew"
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Looks like you just did, kiddo.
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Mari's getting herself quite an impressive Cutscene Body Count!
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Interesting approach. Seems more likely to work than Pruflas's was.
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She just keeps on stabbin'. Starts making quite a mark.
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Nothing so far. Rashidi's blood wasn't quite specific enough on this point, I guess.
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whoop
okay this counts
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The mark Mari made on the ruins is instantly healed! MIRACULOUS.
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...
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Yeah of course we cut away after that.
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seriously dude Yumil's been dead for like two weeks, all we did just now was beat up a douche with fratty hair
he didn't even die in front of us
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Same start and end points as we had last time, despite the fact that we're coming from the other direction this time. Par for the course.
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...that's it, apparently. I'm starting to think Hugo's heart just isn't in it anymore since we technically won the war. Can't say I much blame him.
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"at this point i wouldnt be surprised if they tacked on a few more missions just to keep us guessing actually"
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This is the game reassuring you that you scored a high chaos frame. Destin tends to be its avatar for grading you on that.
Interesting tidbit about that briefing: Hugo's name and portrait didn't actually show up once in-game. Not even during the map session. Technically speaking Hugo could have spent that whole scene asleep in his chair while Destin did all the work (ie not much work). I think that'll be my personal canon for it, actually.
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Two enemy units are visible to our Sheen-enhanced eyes at the beginning of the mission.
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Mayfield is demon-by-numbers; he's on the attack. Cevellini is a huge pain in the ass (causing me to exchange Ankiseth for Europea); he's guarding the stronghold of Natashkan.
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Mayfield's only briefly threatening moment was right here when he managed to combo me. Decent damage; not TOO bad but decent for a couple of Saturoses.
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Saradin and Sexwale one-upped the shit out of them, though.
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Looks like we've got another (boring) challenger.
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Thank you, come again. I'm basically wiping out double-Ogre units in my damn sleep these days. Remember when Ogres were big and scary? Remember Ariosh's unit? Ah, to be young again.
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They keep trickling in. I'll just streamline this by putting enemy formation and eventual death in the same line.
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Easy come, easy go.
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Baldwin, quit stalling and just let me get there and thwart your goddamn evil plan already.
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After those attackers were dealt with I decided it was time to get underway (mostly out of impatience). Sheen takes care of this stronghold for me after Europea clears all the dead people off it.
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Meanwhile I sent Gilbert and Hector to liberate the North. There's an Ahzi Dahaka up here and fuck if I'm gonna send Sheen all the way up there to deal with it for them. Screw that. Deal with it yourself, Gilbert. You've done harder.
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Against Gilbert the Earthquake only hits two corner units anyway (due to Mary Jane's ability to fly). No big deal at all.
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Took a couple fights, but Dolbo fell soon enough.
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Oh, I guess they're still attacking? Sure, great, less walking for me.
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Ugh. A Pumpkinhead unit and a Sphinx unit. Great. I guess the challenge was bound to arrive eventually.
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ow ow ow ow ow ow
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That's what you get, jerk. You get engulfed in a series of giant fireballs. And now I'm gonna make a PIE out of your HEAD. <
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Not even Sphinxes are a big deal anymore -- they're harder to meatshield for than Pumpkinheads, meaning you probably just have to tank the one hit before you can finish them off. Easy peasey.
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Another set of two units trickles in. This is a pretty obvious desperation ploy on the part of the AI -- it knows defending its holdings will get it nowhere, so it's just sending everything it's got at me now in the hopes of overwhelming me.
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The thing about a Hail Mary pass, though, is that it can pretty easily be caught by either team.
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And your best will get you absolutely nowhere if it's not good enough.
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One mildly clever ploy is sending this one unit here on such a path that my northern units are too far out of the way to intercept it. If I were really dumb and left my HQ open, this would Game Over me right here and now.
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Fortunately for me I'm not really dumb and I left Troi in charge (which is pretty much the exact opposite of leaving it open). Nice try, Baldwin!
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One final wave. He's sticking with this strategy pretty admirably considering how monumentally it's been failing so far.
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His loss!
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Ecstatic to be finally let out from under the heel of their demonic oppressors, the inhabitants of Gypsanville welcomed Hector's unit with open arms. The irony inherent in that action was immediately ordered stricken from all official records.
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All the other strongholds in the area fell just as easily, since their custodians have already been kind enough to throw themselves on my swords.
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And that should about do it. It's go-time.
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I see you're surrounded by demons, Baldy. What's wrong? Out of Templars?
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Hm. Looks like we're fighting on a generic outside background. I'd really been hoping we'd be doing this, like, on top of the Stonehenge thing itself. I guess this'll do.
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Other battalion names you could pick to maximize this line's humor: "Yankees" (although I'd have to veto that one personally as a proud New England native); "The Torpedoes" (which would actually have been really awesome in retrospect except people would have been calling us "the the torpedoes" in dialogue all the time); "damn damn" (which would have made a whole lot of the game make no sense whatsoever).
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"all i wanna do is resurrect the queen of the netherworld to bring about a reign of demons on earth, and gain ultimate power which i would then use to completely subjugate your nation for political gain; why you gotta be hatin"
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"using the power directly supplied by her, meaning i'd pretty much need her cooperation to pull it off, but i'm sure she'll have my back on this, she seems cool"
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Baldwin's theory: Gods are born when they get blessings from other gods. Okay. Sure. That totally sounds like a sustainable idea.
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Let's just get out of here and get some more dialogue. I could stick around for slightly longer to try to kill off one or two of Baldwin's flunkies, but I'll just end up taking more damage and possibly killing Baldwin before being able to heal it (although who knows, maybe that's just me hubrising it up). More talky.
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Baldwin kind of has a point here: he's in too deep to go backsies now. Even if this turns out to be a colossally terrible idea (which it probably will) he's got nothing to lose. Might as well go all in.
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Right so where were we?
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Baldwin healed both of his Daemons with items between battles, but neglected to heal his meatshield. That'll probably be a fatal mistake.
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He casts Crag Press. Not particularly well, either. Yumil at least had tier-2 combo magic rather than tier-2 solo magic.
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uh oh
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YEESH. Okay, that's not so bad. It's really not! And that's all he's got. He's done now! My turn.
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Freddie and Zemeckis being asleep means I have time to heal them anyway.
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DAMMIT JUST FRIGGIN' DIE
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GOD
FINALLY
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okay
Ellipses, promising. Standing up straight, not so much.
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DAMMIT WILL YOU PLEASE JUST COME BACK HERE AND DIE ALREADY
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Baldwin runs back to the ruins to find a rather awkward scene.
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T rating: Shits and damns abound. Still no F-bombs.
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Yeah he somehow managed to fail to see the dead demon hag until this moment I dunno.
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Zeda starts wriggling around on the ground and somehow metamorphoses into a Gorgon. That's all she was this whole time? That's not mysterious at ALL, I've got two of those fuckers working for me!
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She crawls toward Baldwin and speaks.
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And she melts. Yeah I guess that's appropriately witchy.
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uhhhh mari, you know baldwin, you know him pretty damn well, stop talking nonsense.
Don't tell me... amnesia?!?
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oh
you were talking to her
Yeah that makes sense actually.
Never mind!
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He sweeps her the fuck out of the way with his sword. It serves its intended purpose, but she's not quite dead. Maybe she'll live through the cutscene!
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whoop nevermind
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"Yeah I know you actually saw that girl do it, plain as day, but she's dead now and you gotta bless SOMEbody, might as well be me. You see anybody else around? No. Get blessin'. Chop chop."
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Oh right, Freddie's still here too.
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There's a magicky-sounding noise and Baldwin is instantly cast aside by nothing in particular. Yeah I'd call this whole plan of his a pretty catastrophic failure right out of the gate.
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Freddie's the only one left. What an awkward situation for him! What would you even say?
"so, uh, hi"
"maybe you could try, like, NOT being resurrected, that seems like a fun time too right?"
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uh
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okay that's quite possibly even worse of an idea of what to say than i had
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"there could be any number of magic flying ladies passing through these abandoned ruins for any number of reasons, never hurts to check"
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Yumil's theme starts playing here. Note that she really doesn't particularly look anything like Yumil.
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ooh, major faux pas
I guess he DID already call her by the name of his male dead best friend, might as well keep jamming that foot even farther in his mouth.
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"don't really look particularly like yumil's; they're WAY too blue, but let's just ignore that for the purposes of this cutscene"
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"There's no other explanation for having the same hair and eye color as someone else; you MUST be him in drag. I will accept NO OTHER EXPLANATION."
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lemme guess... condom broke. Yeah that's a bitch and a half to deal with if you can't get your hands on Fantasy Plan B.
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yeesh, that's... quite a plan b
I'm not sure if this makes Berthe really really pro-choice or really really pro-life.
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yeah another weird poorly-localized JRPG repetition, but I think in this case that's actually a valid place to ask for clarification.
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Ah. See, stripped of all the cryptic language this is all stuff we already knew, really.
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Well, um, you see, I had to go and... the... uh, the proletariat needed... my dad killed a guy and... stop looking at me like that!
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Baldwin is apparently (a) still alive and (b) not impressed with a floaty lady's sob story about a guy he once knocked out with a stomach punch.
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She doesn't take very kindly to HIS whining, either.
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And he's down again. Danika's still not looking so hot.
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WHOA this ain't good
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JESUS CHRIST, BALDWIN, YOUR GHOST IS EVEN MORE ANNOYING THAN YOU
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I'm not really done with this game yet, am I?
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Our world...
This land...
What... have I...
...What... I... have done...
...N...o...
...You... must n... be... awa...k..n
...I......
wanted... acce...p...
...Fools...
All is...... plan...
I...
...wanted... stay... the...
The day... covenant...
...I... ...worthy...
...Brother....
M...y.... bro....ther......
...W...h.....y...
...accepted... my... blood...
...Afr...aid...
I... was... afr...
......Ai....
...with...me...
...Die.......
...curse.... kill them all....
...I wanted.... ...brother...
......No.... ...ack... revenge...
...All.... acoordan...
...with my plan...
Get out of here!
Freddie!!!
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A number of people present here, dead and otherwise, appear to say some various cryptic things through Danika. She's sure not looking any less crazy for it.
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Whoa, that's... um. That's different.
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Freddie should have known he was too late to keep Danika from coming back when he got there and she was already back, so I guess he'd been counting on his own ability to talk her back down into the grave or something. That didn't work.
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WELP
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Her claws spew Acid and Rotten Breath, respectively. It's not too bad as long as they don't cast them on the same character.
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Personally Danika is more of a Lava Shot kinda gal. She gets two Lava Shots, though. Careful you don't get screwed.
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Well I sure am getting nowhere fast.
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Let's try a Pedra. I'll get the Interrupt back pretty quickly anyway.
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WELL SHIT
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Yeah it might be time to regroup.
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The entire Generic Army is thrown back beyond this swamp, and endless demon units start pouring out of those two flower things. That purpley stuff is "Malefic Woods" terrain. It's new.
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It's a good thing Freddie's got such a good healer 'cause everyone coming out of that left flower goes straight for him and he's got no backup.
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Danika's a tough nut to crack, but she's got no items. Keep coming at her over and over with everything you've got and she'll eventually go down. Right? Right.
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Fighting in the Malefic Woods gets you this cool battle background. It's pretty awesome and I wish we'd gotten a chance to see it at some time in the past when it wasn't TENSE AS SHIT.
Those demon units that the flowers spawn ain't shit. Just plow through them with your whole force, be liberal with your item use, and keep whittling Danika down, and eventually you'll be rewarded with something like the following:
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Awwwww yeahhhh
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No reward this time. Why the hell would you get a reward? Who are you gonna use it to kill? YOU JUST KILLED A GOD. RELAX.
NEXT TIME ON OGRE BATTLE: Resolutions.